i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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