it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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