I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize