yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Betty ford says i'm here all night
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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