So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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