Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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