What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
