he wants to bone in the snuggie
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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