He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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