I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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