GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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