We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
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Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
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True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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