i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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