I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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