I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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