so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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