My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
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I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
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If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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