I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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