i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
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Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
the raccoons are back...
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