I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
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Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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