cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize