the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize