I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
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Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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