i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
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We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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