And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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