everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
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He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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