If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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