Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
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We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
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Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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