Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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