So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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