when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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