sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
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I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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