Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
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i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
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You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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