I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
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We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
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I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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