The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
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Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
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And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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