My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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