goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize