I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize