So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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