She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I AM VODKA MAN
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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