Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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