I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i wish my penis had a tongue
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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