A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
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We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
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He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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