3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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