another moral hangover. fuck.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize