I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
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It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
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Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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