I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize