i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize