dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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