I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize